Love, Set, Match!
by ephedrine
Summary: Ever wonder who's your perfect match in Prince of Tennis? Want to buy your perfect TeniPuri character? (with Monopoly money, of course!) Well, you've come to the right place! Our current feature is Kamio Akira! Expect madness and randomness.
1. Kawamura Takashi

**A/N :** This came as an idea to me after I read a few lovely yaoi stories of PoT and I wondered how it would be like for you to pick your own ideal guy from the series. It's just like a menu to who you want as your perfect boyfriend. It probably sounds really weird, but at least try it out. I will change characters every chapter and the characters may be as normal as Oishi, to as bizarre as Horio. Of course, I won't abandon other teams like Fudoumine, Yamabuki, Hyoutei, and the such. This story (well, if you can call it that) contains silliness, oocness and randomness. Read at your own risk. dundundundun I do not own The Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Oujisama) in any way and I'm not selling them for real (yar, you wish, right?). I hope this idea isn't over-used.  
  
---  
  
Kina: Welcome to 'Love, Set, Match'! Find your perfect Match! Where all your tennis dreams come true!  
  
Tezuka: How corny can you get? FIFTY LAPS!  
  
---  
  
** Love, Set, Match!  
  
1. Kawamura Takashi**  
  
**Name :** Kawamura Takashi  
  
**Nickname :** Taka-san  
  
**School :** Seigaku  
  
**Year :** 3rd Year  
  
**Birthday :** November 18th  
  
**Constellation (yes, I'm adding this for all you horoscope fanatics) :** Scorpio  
  
**Height :** 180 cm  
  
**Blood Type :** A  
  
**Sexuality :** eh... Straight? 0.o  
  
---  
  
Fuji: Of course, he's straight. He doesn't even notice my little 'accidental' touches... Oops...  
  
Takashi: Eh, Fuji? What touches? You mean the one whe—  
  
Fuji quickly covers up Takashi's mouth.  
  
Fuji: Taka-san, not in front of the kids!  
  
---  
  
**Playing Style :** Aggressive Baseliner  
  
**Dominant Hand :** Right-handed  
  
**Skill :** Burning Serve  
  
**Family :** Father, Mother.  
  
**Favorite Subject :** Math  
  
**Favorite Color :** Aqua  
  
**Hobby :** Monopoly  
  
**Quotes :** BURNING!; GREATO!; COME ON BABY!.  
  
**Description :** Timid and shy. And forgetful. Yeap, that's what you think of Takashi when you see him. Without a racket. His personality changes drastically when he gets hold of one. Once he has a tennis racket in his hands, he gets fired up and is ready to ROLL.  
  
---  
  
Takashi: BURRRRRNNNNIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG!!! GREATO!  
  
Kina: Oi! Who gave him the racquet!? –suspects Fuji- Oishi! Take it away and tie him up. Nobody'll want to buy him after that display!  
  
Oishi drags Takashi over to the other side of the shop and beats him up before stuffing a piece of cloth into his mouth.  
  
Takashi: Murf... BLURMMIIINNNNGG!  
  
Horio: Is that my SHIRT?!  
  
Ryoma: Who knows? You have a million of them in your closet. I bet it's like a evolution chart, ranging from small, cute sizes to big, bad-ass sizes for later on. Green is so not your color.  
  
Horio: -twitch- Green is SO my color! I should know, since I have two years experience—  
  
Kina whaps Horio upside the head.  
  
Kina: Eheheh –smiles sweetly- Don't worry about him. –whispers- He's just a bit defective. We try to fix him once in a while, but we have already lost hope. Let's move on, shall we?  
  
---  
  
His father owns a sushi shop (a great choice for all you food lovers out there) and often treats the Seigaku regulars when they win a game. He's usually too kind for his own good, as he likes to help out his father with the shop when he should be practicing his tennis. Takashi, or Taka-san, depends on his power and strength to win the match. He's sometimes paired up with Fuji for Doubles 2.  
  
---  
  
Eiji: Ne, Oishi, you're mean!  
  
Eiji flounces away while Oishi chases him around, desperately trying to make up.  
  
Kina: Kabaji!  
  
Kabaji grabs both Oishi and Eiji by the collar and tosses them into the back room.  
  
Atobe: -gasp- Nobody tells Kabaji what to do except for ore-sama! Ore- sama's the best! Nobody beats ore-sama! Kab—  
  
Kina gets up and throws Atobe into the back room as well.  
  
Atobe: -faintly- AI!!!! Ore-sama thinks ore-sama broke a naaaiiillll!!!  
  
---  
  
**Partnership :** You'll have to deal with his split personality every so often. If you desire the caring type, make sure your date is absolutely AWAY from tennis racquets. Do not even go NEAR tennis shops OR people like Fuji unless you want your date ruined by constant BURNINGs. However, if you are more of the feisty type, just hand the darn racquet over and wait for approximately 3 seconds (yes, we train his metamorphosis speed everyday). If you have acute hearing, be sure to have mufflers at the ready. We do not want to destroy your hearing now, would we?  
  
---  
  
**Now, for a brief interview with our dear Taka-san...  
**  
Kina unties (and un-gags) poor Takashi and calmly takes away the racquet, hiding it carefully from the watchful... closed eyes of Fuji.  
  
Fuji: Eh... –smiles-  
  
Kina: So, Takashi. When did you start having your split personality?  
  
Takashi: Ore? I didn't know I had one... 0.0  
  
Kina: Eh... Very well then—  
  
Horio: With my two years of experience, I can tell that you had it since birth. Most... er... –squints- SEECHOLOGEEKAL—  
  
Katchiro: Eh? SEECHOLOGEEKAL? What's that?  
  
Dan runs in with the dictionary.  
  
Dan: ... I think he means 'psychological', desu!  
  
Inui: -glints- What babbling... I should bring in a jar of Penal Tea the next time we sell another Perfect Match.  
  
Dan: EH! –shrinks away- Hai, desu!...  
  
Horio: -blushes- Heh, of course I mean, eh, 'psychological'. I was just testing you to see if you had the same knowledge as I do!  
  
Kina: -grumbles- So much for our mini interview...  
  
Takashi: BUUUUURRRRRNNNNNIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!! GREATO!!! SEE ME ROAR! RRRAAAWWWRRR!!!  
  
Kina: How the hell...? ... FUJI!!  
  
---  
  
Kina: And there's our first Match for you! If you feel like buying our Takashi, please dial 555-MATCH. This Takashi you see now is just for display and not for sale. However, we do have 5 more Takashi's in the back room! And for only 20 bucks, since he doesn't need high maintenance. Leave a review with Monopoly money to buy Takashi and one will be sent your way immediately. We even throw in pink mufflers, a tennis racquet, AND Horio's shirt for free! Offer ends June 21rst! Refunds and exchanges not acceptable.  
  
Horio: WHAT!?  
  
---  
  
**A/N :** So how was that? I hope it's not too confusing. If you would like more Matches, just leave a review. =D You may even choose who you want for your next Match, and I'll consider it =D


	2. Mukahi Gakuto

**A/N :** Whoa... Fuji, eh? Who would have expected that? Heh, just kidding. Everybody loves our dear tensai, no? -grin- I'm surprised nobody went crazy over Tezuka. =D You wouldn't guess who's our next Match, or maybe you will... 0.o Wait, what am I saying? Of course you will! -slaps self for being so stupid-  
  
---  
  
Kina : Welcome to 'Love, Set, Match'! Find your perfect Match! Where all your tennis dreams come true!  
  
Matches cower then line themselves up in a straight row...  
  
Eiji : Ne... I wonder who she'll pick this time.  
  
Kina scans around, creating fear and terror among the Matches.  
  
Kina : I've got it! YOU! -points-  
  
??? : _NOOOOOOOOO!!!  
_  
---  
  
** Love, Set, Match!  
  
1. Mukahi Gakuto**  
  
**Name :** Mukahi Gakuto  
  
**Nickname :** Mukahi, Gakuto  
  
---  
  
Ryoma: Like we didn't expect that...  
  
Momoshiro makes his debut appearance but then falls flat on his face.  
  
Horio, Katsuo, Katchiro: MOMO-CHAN SEMPAI!!!  
  
Kaidoh smirks his ass off.  
  
---  
  
**School :** Hyoutei Gakuen  
  
**Year :** 3rd Year  
  
**Birthday :** 9th December  
  
**Constellation :** Sagittarius  
  
**Height :** 158 cm  
  
**Blood Type :** B  
  
**Sexuality :** Bisexual. Definitely. Or maybe Oshitarisexual. -shrug-  
  
---  
  
Oshitari grabs Mukahi by the waist.  
  
Oshitari: We come in a package.  
  
Kina: 0.o Who told you that!? I'm the one who decides things around here!  
  
Atobe: Ore-sama thought it was ore-sama who made the decisions! -pats hair-  
  
Mizuki: Well, we thinks "ore-sama" is too busy making a fool out of "ore- sama's" self. "Ore-sama" should just bury himself in dirt as we don't want to see "ore-sama's" face.  
  
Atobe is crestfallen while Fuji smiles.  
  
Fuji: This from the President of the Perverted Purple Priss Patrol.  
  
---  
  
**Playing Style :** Serve and Volley  
  
**Dominant Hand :** Left-handed  
  
**Skill :** Acrobatic Tennis, Moon Salute, Diving Volley.  
  
**Family :** Older sister, Younger brother.  
  
**Favorite Subject :** Physical Education  
  
**Favorite Color :** Red  
  
**Hobby :** Collecting shuttlecock accessories  
  
**Quotes :** Uwe ni a uwe ga iru (there is always someone higher than you)  
  
**Description :** Noodly. –gets stares from everybody- Mukahi's flexibility makes him a good asset to Hyoutei's team. Mukahi's rumored to be even more flexible than Kikumaru Eiji.  
  
---  
  
Eiji: Hoi, hoi! That's not true, nya!  
  
Mukahi: Oh, you wanna have a contest? I can do a split upside down in mid air! -splits-  
  
Eiji: 'Ch. I can do better, watch! -flips-  
  
Mukahi: HAAAHH, was that supposed to be impressive? I dunno, it just fell a _biiiiit_ short.  
  
Ryoma: Did someone say SHORT?!  
  
Eiji jumps around.  
  
Eiji: _He_ said it! Beat him up, ochibi!  
  
Oishi: Eiji! You don't want to cause anybody trouble do you? Don't fight. Don't fight. If you have any troubles, just tell me! I'll be happy to help out! –flustered-  
  
---  
  
He is especially proud of his abilities which at time leads to trouble. While his acrobatics are top of the line, his jumping about often leaves him open to attack requiring his partner, Oshitari Yuushi, to cover for him. His major weakness though is his stamina, which runs out quickly if he overdoes his play. Oh, you have a question? Yes, Oshitari's the one trying to get into Mukahi's pants right now. Please do not observe if squeamish.  
  
---  
  
Momoshiro: What are you laughing at, baka mamushi?  
  
Kaidoh: PSSSSHHHHH... It's your FACE I'm laughing at. Was it always this distorted? PSSSSHHHHHH...  
  
Momoshiro: You—  
  
Kaidoh and Momoshiro cat fight.  
  
---  
  
Oshitari: Gakuto...  
  
Mukahi: Yuushi...  
  
Oshitari: Let me hold you, one last time.  
  
Mukahi: Yes, Yuushi!  
  
Is interrupted by Atobe's wailing.  
  
Atobe: The Purple Pervert just insulted ore-sama! In ore-sama's face! KABAJI!  
  
Kabaji: Usu.  
  
Kabaji picks Mizuki up and covers him in pink paint. SPLAT!  
  
Mizuki: NOOOOOO!!! PURPLE! PURPLE! I NEED SOME PURPLE!!! -faints-  
  
Ryoma: Glad that's done and over with.  
  
Tezuka: ...  
  
---  
  
**Partnership :** The way to Mukahi's heart is... Oshitari. It is most recommended that you buy him later on. Oshitari can deal with all the whining and spatting your Mukahi always does while you can just sit back, relax, and lock Oshitari in the cupboard when he's done. If you are a yaoi fangirl, like ME,  
  
---  
  
Ryoma: Shameless...  
  
---  
  
then just put the two together and watch... -coughcough- He's a good Match to have in a shopping mall, as you can never lose him. Nope, what with his red bowl haircut, you'll just have to look for a mini dome.  
  
---  
  
**Now, for a brief interview with our resident spaghetti...  
**  
Kina: So, Gakuto—  
  
Oshitari: -glare- MUKAHI.  
  
Kina: Er, yeah, Mukahi. -shifty look- How do you feel being sold off before Oshitari? Will this affect your relationship?  
  
Oshitari: -smiles serenely- Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  
  
Itsuki: -pokes- Nande, nande? Why do you keep answering for Mukahi? Nande, nande? Huh, why? Nande, nande? NANDE, NAN—  
  
Mukahi flips over and slams Itsuki to the ground.  
  
Oshitari: Impressive.  
  
Mukahi: Isn't it?  
  
---  
  
Kina: And that's our second Match. If you desire Mukahi, just dial 555- MATCH now! Hurry! We only have 5 Mukahi's for sale in the back room. He costs only 15 bucks, since his whining tends to annoy people after a long stretch of time. He even comes with a whip (to keep him in line), a trampoline AND fermented soybeans! Offer ends June 24th! Refunds and exchanges not acceptable.  
  
Mukahi: -whine- Why do I only cost 15 bucks!? -sob-  
  
Oshitari: There, there, Gakuto. Don't make a fuss. Everybody knows that big things... er... come in small prices. 0.o  
  
Itsuki: _HONK!_ Nande, nande? Why is that? I don't understand... Nande, nande?  
  
--- 


	3. Kamio Akira

**A/N :**Sorry, I didn't update for nearly a week. I was about to leave this fic longer, but I thought that was already being cruel and mean of me XD Eep, I made a typo (well, actually a number-o... I accidentally typed 1, instead of 2 for Mukahi Gakuto... Apologies, apologies...)  
  
---  
  
Kina : Welcome to 'Love, Set, Match'! Find your perfect Match! Where all your tennis dreams come true!  
  
Mukahi : She repeats the same thing over and over and over and over EVERY FRICKIN' TIME WE START!  
  
Kina : Look, smart ass, I'm surprised people even BOUGHT you the last time. I wonder how they deal with someone as stupid as you are.  
  
Mukahi : -rolls up sleeve- You wanna make something out of it?  
  
Kina : Puh-lease... Just haul your scrawny butt out of here!  
  
Mukahi : -stares at butt- I do NOT have a scrawny butt! You just have narrow eyes! My butt is as big as that purple idiot, if not bigger! -goes to Mizuki and compares ass size-  
  
Oshitari heads over to Mukahi and assures him that Mukahi's ass is DEFINITELY bigger than Mizuki's.  
  
**---  
  
Love, Set, Match!  
  
**3. Kamio Akira  
  
**Name :**Kamio Akira  
  
**Nickname :**Kamio, Akira, Rhythm Runt -cough-  
  
**---  
  
**Shinji: I wonder why they call him 'Rhythm Runt'. It's not even funny. Sure, he's fast and all, but there's no need to name him just based on that. I don't think it's worthy enough for another name. It's just like my nickname, 'Mumbly'. What kind of name is that? It doesn't even make any sense. Who names a person, MUMBLY? Ishida brought it up a few months ago and it stuck. No wonder the name doesn't make any sense, because the person who made it up doesn't make any much sense either. Just be—  
  
Kamio: Shinji, please, we're in the middle of my sale! You can continue your... rant... later.  
  
Shinji: Who says I'm ranting? I'm just expressing my thoughts, and already people say I rant. Ranting is going on and on about a subject and I don't do that. People just don't pay attention nowadays. Wh—  
  
Atobe: Make him shut up! Ore-sama can't take it anymore! Ore-sama must protect ore-sama's precious hearing! –throws a fit-  
  
Kabaji takes pity on his master and calmly covers Atobe's ears.  
  
**---  
  
School :**Fudoumine  
  
**Year :**2nd Year  
  
**Birthday :**26th August  
  
**Constellation :**Virgo  
  
**Height :**165 cm  
  
**Blood Type :**O  
  
**Sexuality :**Straight... Though he has some affections for Shinji.  
  
**---  
  
**Sengoku: Ne, don't you have feelings for me, too, Kamio-kun? You're too cute, na. It's so hard to resist.  
  
Kamio: -twitch- -tries hard not to run away screaming-  
  
Shinji: Why are you always hitting on Kamio? Stop it. I don't like it. Neither does he, if you'd just stop caring about your LUCKYness, you would notice. You started stalking him after he beat you in the semi-finals. Get a life. You need one. It's disturbing to see you camping out in his lawn every night. Kamio doesn't like it. I don't either. Go chase after Fuji. I mean, Fuji Syusuke, not Fuji otouto—  
  
Yuuta: IT'S YUUTA! GEDDIT!? YUUTA! NOT FUJI SYUSUKE'S LITTLE BROTHER!  
  
Atobe: ORE-SAMA'S EARDRUMS!!!  
  
**---  
  
Playing Style :**Speed Serve  
  
**Dominant Hand :**Right-handed  
  
**Skill :**Rhythm Attack, Sonic Bullet.  
  
**Family :**-no info-  
  
**Favorite Subject :**History  
  
**Favorite Color :**Dark Green  
  
**Hobby :**Jogging  
  
**Quotes :**"Increase the tempo!!!"  
  
**Description :**This red-head is the fastest player from Fudoumine (or from any other team, for that matter).  
  
**---  
  
**Momo: I don't think so... With all the laps that Tezuka-buchou makes us run, I think I could be a good competitor!!  
  
Kamio: Shut up! You stupid bike thief! I'll have you know that Ann-chan likes me more than you! Nyahnyahnyah!  
  
Momo: That was so long ago! STOP SCREAMING AT ME! I SAID, STOP SCREAMING, YOU CRAZY 'INCREASE THE TEMPO' MONK! ANN-CHAN ONLY LIKES YOU BECAUSE SHE FEELS PITY FOR YOUR DUMB PEA-BRAIN! YA HEAR ME!? PEA-BRAIN! PEA-BRAIN!  
  
Kamio: I'M SCREAMING!? YOU'RE SCREAMING! AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO STOP SCREAMING!? ANN-CHAN LIKES ME BETTER AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS! HA! NYAHNYAHNYAHBOOBOO! CYCLOPS! CYCLOPS! YOU'RE SO UGLY THAT IT EVEN AMAZES ME HOW NOBODY FAINTS IN FEAR WHEN IN TEN MILES RADIUS OF YOU! CYCLOPS! CYCLOPS!  
  
Ryoma: Momo-sempai –  
  
Oishi: Now, now. Let's not resort to fighting and shouting matches again! We get enough of this when we play against each other! Why can't we all just be friends? It would make the world a much better place!  
  
Eiji: Oishi! Stop prattling! We challenge you to a race, nyah, Kamio-kun!  
  
Atobe: -sniffs- Ore-sama does not race. It is most undignified of ore-sama. Why, it could like, actually RUFFLE ore-sama's HAIR! Kabaji, you race for me, yes?  
  
Kabaji: Usu.  
  
Kina blows the whistle while Kabaji stomps everybody in his path.  
  
**---  
  
**He usually listens to music before a match to loosen his limbs and to get in tune with the music. He plays Singles 2 (much to the chagrin of Shinji) and is the Vice-Captain of Fudoumine. Because of his speed, he tends to get a bit impatient at times. He treats Tachibana Kippei with utmost respect. Ibu Shinji's his best friend but sometimes even Kamio can't take Shinji's mumbling much. He was devastated when Momoshiro Takeshi stole his bike and can never forgive him for that incident. He also has a crush on Tachibana Ann, his buchou's little sister. He care for Ann very much and treats her like his sister as well.Partnership : Although brash and impatient, he's very loyal. Make sure you have a leash ready in case he decides to 'increase the tempo' or if he decides to chase our dear Momo-sempai. If ever you encounter a situation like this, quickly loop the leash over his neck and hold on tight! We do not hold the responsibility of you getting whiplash. He's good to have around when you are with Shinji, he's practically the only one who can make him shut up.  
  
---  
  
Shinji: See, now they're talking about me having to shut up. Why should I shut up? I don't talk much anyway, I just like to share my thoughts. You all are so rude. I don't know why I put up with you all. It makes me wonder why I'm even in this stupid place. Do you think—  
  
Tachibana: -sigh- God have mercy on us.  
  
Itsuki:_HONK!_Nande, nande? Why do you talk like that? You never stop do you? Why do you mumble? Huh, nande? Is it because it's fun? Should I try it out sometime? Nande, nande? Do you do that because you have nobody else to talk to? Or do you just like wasting your breath? Nande, nande?  
  
Eiji: -whines- Everybody's so NOISY, nyah!  
  
Kentarou: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYBODY'S SO TALKATIVE NOWADAYS! I ALSO THINK IT'S VERY IMPOLITE TO YELL ALL THE TIME! WHY IS EVERYBODY SHAKING THEIR HEADS AT ME? AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG?  
  
Ryoma stuffs Kentarou in a plastic bag.  
  
**---  
  
Now, for a brief interview with our rhythm runt...  
  
**Kina: Kamio... Kamio! KAMIO!  
  
Kamio: SHE LIKES ME!  
  
Momo: YEAH, RIGHT, BOZO! SHE LIKES ME!  
  
Kamio: STOP DREAMING! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING, YOU BIKE THIEF!  
  
Momo: THAT WAS AGES AGO! GIVE IT UP ALREADY! YOU'RE LIKE AN OLD SAD GRANDFATHER, HOLDING A GRUDGE AS ANCIENT AS THAT!  
  
Kina pulls them apart.  
  
Kina: Kamio, please describe yourself.  
  
Kamio: -gives a shy grin- I'm basically an easy-going guy. -glares at Momo- EXCEPT WHEN YOU'RE A NO-LIFE-SAD-LOSER-ANN-CHAN-LOVING-BIKE-THIEF!!!  
  
Momo: I'M THE LOSER? HAH! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW— 

Atobe cries his heart out at the amount of noise those two bastards are making. Mizuki still isn't convinced that Mukahi's ass is bigger than his.

Mizuki: Nobody can beat my ass! I kick other people's asses with my ass! Don't mess with me and my deadly ass!!!  
  
**---**

Kina: And that's our (rather loud) Match for you! If you feel like buying our dear speedo, dial 555-MATCH right away! This Kamio you're seeing now just for display and is NOT for sale. He costs 20 bucks (yes, how cheap is that?). Added bonuses include three pairs of Nike shoes (as the soles always seem to wear out in advance), a leash AND chocolate milk! Offer ends next week! Refunds and exchanges not acceptable.

Momo & Kamio: YAHYAHAYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAH!!!

---


End file.
